(This is Part 3 of an ongoing community-driven story – check out Part 1 here, check out Part 2 here)
So, you are in an escape pod re-entering the earth’s atmosphere and there are warning lights flashing inside.
Actually I got the warning lights to stop by pressing some buttons.
What are you trying to achieve from – wait, what, do you know what you pressed?
No, not really. but they were getting annoying.
I’m not going to call you an idiot, but that was the worst possible thing you could have done.
But you have no idea how annoying they got!
And now you have no idea what the problem was.
The interface kept flashing something up saying navigation error.
Well then, looks like you are going to have to try and land this yourself.
How?
Let’s start with the obvious, what controls do you have.
There are only 5 buttons. The one I pressed to launch. Then one each that says Silent, Yes, No and Pop.
Why would they label a button Pop?
Should I press it?
I have no idea.
What!? You’re meant to be a help guide.
I didn’t say I knew what I was doing. What do the other buttons do?
I pressed Launch to launch, Silent to turn the alarm off, Yes to confirm turning the alarm off, I assume “no” was my other option there. And the ground seems to be coming up rather fast.
Well then, looks like you don’t have a choice.
Ok, I pressed it and a panel popped off revealing another button and a joystick.
Press the button and grab the joystick. Seeing as you have no idea what you are doing, things can’t get much worse.
The button activated some kind of thrusters and when I used the joystick it sent me into a wild spin.
Why are you so incompetent at flying? Try to level out.
That’s harder than it seems, and it looks like I’m going to crash in the middle of a town.
Try and slow your decent.
What, you think I haven’t been trying that. You think I want to be in a wild spin falling towards my death?
Fine, be like that.
The joystick just broke off.
You are one useless pilot, you know that?
What, I’m falling towards my death and you decide to mock my piloting skills even though I’ve never been in one before.
How far away is the street?
I’m about to hit a build – ARGHH…
Hello…?
I hit my head when I collided with the building and now I’m bleeding.
How bad?
It hurts, a lot.
Is the pod still moving?
I.., I can’t tell.
Try and open the door.
I can open it, but not all the way. I think the door is jammed.
Use the lightsaber to cut your way out of the pod.
I think I’m about to throw up.
Focus on my voice, you probably have a concussion. Grab the lightsaber and point it away from yourself.
I just threw up.
Activate the lightsaber and cut a hole big enough to crawl through.
The blade looks like a shining pearl.
Cut a hole. You need to get out.
I’m doing that.
Where did you crash?
I think I crashed in a bar. But I cant be sure, there are two of everything. I may have crashed into a bar for twins.
You need to get somewhere safe. Try and get outside the bar.
My legs don’t work properly.
Fine, stumble towards the door and tell me what you see.
I’m there, it looks like eight Troopers are heading over here.
Those Troopers probably saw you crash and are coming to investigate.
Troops be on the way, and you gots some explaining to do.
Whats happening?
I’ve got ten guns pointed at my head. Who are you, and can you lower the gun?
The name’s Kendra, and you crashed in here all uninvited like. Now, we got the Empire ’bout to crash through that there door and I aint know nothin’ ’bout you.
You cant walk and you have a concussion. You should consider cooperation. It’s your best chance.
I’ve been trying to infiltrate Bioware, but nothing went according to plan. And now it turns out EA is being controlled.
We know – Reapers control EA and they control Bioware.
Now, I’m going to raise an army and attack Bioware.
I dont know you, and I dont trust you. But the way imps are headed this makes my guess the two of you aint so cozy. So, this is the plan. You come with us. We escape. And if we like you. We might just help you, for a price.
Take the deal. It’s everything you need right now.
Deal. Now, how do you plan on escaping? By now this place is surrounded.
We always have a way out, it aint no pleasure cruise.
Please tell me it doesn’t involve sewers.
Please tell me it does involves sewers.
It involves sewers. Before we go, grab a weapon from behind the bar. I dont plan on leavin’ much for the imps.
This concludes “Re-Enter Earth’s Atmosphere In An Escape Pod Via The Spirit World Help Guide”.
Shit.
I am so glad I don’t have to do this. For the next stage I suggest ”Attacking Bioware Via The Spirit World Help Guide”. However, in the meantime I would recommend… a change of clothes.
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Community involvement:
Option 1) Attack Bioware via the sewers
Option 2) Attack Bioware via the street
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Community involvement 2: Pick off-hand weapon
Option 1) Blaster Pistol
Option 2) Sawn-Off Shotgun
Option 3) Other
Option 4) None – Stick with Lightsaber
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Voting will close a week after release. Post your vote in comments!
For sneak peaks at the next part join SWTOR Gamers of Oceania
An original Ken Clark / TOROZ production
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Take the sewers. And a blaster.