MMOs, Console Games and anything else with buttons
I am red-faced at YOU, Blizzard!
This time he’s got some thoughts on Blizzard’s most recent security breach and as always it makes for some great entertainment.
It’s expletive filled entertainment to be sure, so consider this not safe for work or kids:
I think he was pretty frank with his feedback to Blizzard?
[via David K at Gamers of Oceania – a FaceBook group on any game for local players]
Whether you’re on the Wii, XBox or Playstation side of the war, you’ll get a damn good laugh out of this gem:
If only the Wii U was in fact operational!
[Thanks to David K over at Gamers of Oceania Facebook Group for the heads-up!]
There’s not a huge amount to say about this video except to marvel at how long this would have taken to put together. To enjoy it fully, here’s the original song this one is parodying. Then enjoy this beauty:
Anyone want to guess how many hours that took to put together??
Just love this pic of the end result of a serious round of blaster fire to the head of a Stormtrooper:
(Click on image for full size)
No wonder those Stormtroopers fell like sacks of potatoes in the movies!
[via Technabob and Obvious Winner]
Some great Saturday Star Wars vids for you. First up, watch Jaime Lannister and Eddard Stark go at it, lightsaber style:
Thanks to Ben for the heads-up!
It’s so, so wrong, but my word did I still laugh. A friend of mine posted these two pics on Facebook and in the spirit of sharing you know get to see them:
We always attribute other people’s work where possible, so if you created these beauties, please let us know and we’ll update the post.
Over to you: did you have a laugh?
(This is the final part of a community-driven story – check out Part 1 here, check out Part 2 here, check out Part 3 here)
So, you are crawling through a sewer about to attack Bioware.
Yep that about sums up my current situation.
What are you trying to achieve from this help guide?
Honestly I have no idea. You haven’t been much help so far.
Then why did you summon me?
I’m crawling through a sewer, I want someone to talk to.
You summoned me just to talk? Great. Is my help so under-appreciated?
Please, you give the least helpful advice I have ever heard.
Oh, is that what you think? In that case, I’ll be off.
I summoned you, you need to stay untill I’m are done.
No, I only need to stay until you complete what you told me you were trying to achieve. And this time you set no conditions.
In that case, I am trying to free BioWare from the control of EA and the reapers.
What’s Kendra and her gang doing?
They are going to create a distraction in the street so that nobody interrupts me.
What about furry red yoda?
Apparently he is an informant for the underground resistance.
Underground resistance?
Can we focus on me?
Fine, if you are in the sewers, keep an eye out for pipes leading to Bioware.
What do they look like?
How should I know? You are in a sewer, they don’t exactly label them for your convenience.
Damn it, this feels like where I should move up. I’m cutting a hole with the lightsaber.
Make sure the hole you cut doesn’t fall on you.
It’s cut, I don’t think anyone above saw.
What does it look like?
I think it’s a car park.
Pull yourself up, but try and remain undetected.
I can’t even see anyone in the car park.
It would be wise to go quietly.
I thought my main problem would be smell.
Oh right. In that case I would recommend you just run for it.
And this time I’m taking the elevator.
Again, I’m going to recommend against it.
And what was your excellent logic for that again?
They would be expecting it.
Look, I’m going up there to kick some ass, you can either complain or help me.
Does it seem like I want to help you?
I thought so. Ok, I’m in the elevator. Top floor, same as last time.
Don’t you think it strange that nobody has tried to stop you yet?
Shut up, I need to ready myself.
Ok, two points. First, you have no idea what to ready yourself for and second, now you want me to be quiet, after telling me you only want me here to talk to you…
…Yes…
I’m telling you, those doors open and you are either fucked, or the luckiest person alive.
How lucky do you think I need to be?
The only way you are going to survive is if nobody up here has any idea you are coming and nobody has any weapons.
You think I have that little chance?
Oh no, I think even if that’s exactly what happens, you will still figure out a way of hurting yourself.
Some help you are…
Just tell me when the doors open.
They are opening now.
What’s happening, what do you see?
The floor is entirely deserted apart from someone sitting in a chair on the other side of the room.
Who is it?
I think it’s Stephen Reid.
Told you so.
When? When did you tell me?
Just before.
No you didn’t, the only thing you told me was that I was going to die!
Stop talking to yourself.
No, you stop talking to yourself.
Lame, real lame.
BioWare have fired all their staff who ever fought against EA. I don’t think it was BioWare’s decision, more pressure from EA.
Sucks to be him.
What now?
Now, I’ve been thinking about that. I think the best thing for me would be to join the resistance, help them for a while. You should probably get back to your own life. This world is soon to see war.
But can’t I help?
There is nothing you can do. You can’t fight, you talk to yourself and you smell like a sewer. Your purpose was to keep my lightsaber safe from BioWare so it wouldn’t be destroyed when this day came.
Ask him what happens to BioWare now.
What happens to BioWare now?
Bioware is now but a shadow of its former self. With a decent chunk of the staff joining the resistance, the resistance now knows exactly how they work. There won’t be anything they can do to help EA other than continue to make games.
This concludes “Attack Bioware Via The Spirit World Help Guide”.
Well, here is the lightsaber back.
Thank you.
In order to return to the real world click your heels together three times.
Farewell strange world.
Did everything go as expected?
With the idiot, yes. Everything went mostly as planned.
Is the resistance in place?
Downstairs waiting for you.
You did well guide, I dismiss you.
This concludes the “Joining the EA resistance in the Spirit World, a help guide”.
I said I dismiss you!
An original Ken Clark / TOROZ production
Inane references to The Greatest American Hero aside, there’s plenty of legitimate fun to be had in SWTOR and Bioware have promised much more to come in the future.
That said, it doesn’t stop some of us from making up our own entertainment and I’m no exception. First a quick disclaimer: it’s almost certain that I’m not the first to propose this idea, but as I’m not aware of any previous endeavors I’ll pretend this is novel, so no flaming if you’ve heard this before, okay?
Like any compulsive explorer, I have to know what’s on the other side of that hill. It doesn’t matter what hill – it’s a metaphor. As it turns out, eventually, the answer is nothing. Welcome to the Land of Dark Hexagons.
In the past, when my obsessive prodding of boundaries leads me to the edge of the world, I usually admire the view then turn around and get on with questing. But yesterday as I stared at the legendary floating mountains of Alderaan I thought, ‘why not jump and take a screenshot to prove what a dick I am?‘ So I did… and a new age of gaming was born. I’ve called it a ‘Spelunk Jump’ because it almost rhymes (sort-of) and it’s easier to say than ‘BASE Jumping Off the Edge of the World’ or ‘BeJuOtEotW’ for short. See? I said ‘Spelunk Jump’ was easier.
Granted, true BASE jumping involves a parachute, but since the wizards at BioWare have yet to provide one in my loot drops, I’ve decided to go without. The same goes for having anything to actually land on which makes the point of slowing one’s decent somewhat moot anyway.
Of course the real challenge is finding the sweet spot through obstacles and I won’t lie, you need persistence, patience and a good eye for a tender spot. In fact, it requires the kind of fanatacism reserved for donning explosive underdaks shortly before hitting the overseas departure lounge. Once you’ve clambered over enough rocks, in enough places, you’ll hit a magical chink in Bioware’s slippery rock/invisible wall armour. Lo, True Believers, the end of the world will present itself to you as the ground ends abruptly and you’ll get your first view of floating rocks since you last watched Avatar. Then it’s just a matter of a quick running jump into the void, making sure you snap a juicy screenshot of your plummet into nothing before you reappear in front of the closest medical droid. You won’t incur damage, but you will loose any active buffs or stims, so be warned.
No photo, no bragging rights. Deal? Okay then. We’ll let you in the club.
Is this the beginning of a new e-sport? Will groups gather for a mass Spelunk Jump?
Clearly not. In fact it’s probably the least productive thing you can do in the game besides trying to discuss cushion stuffing with your ship droid. But is it satisfying? Absolutely – if you’re a little wrong in the head. But until ‘Jawa Throwing’ or ‘Ewok Punching’ becomes a mini-game, it’ll do.
If you’ve found any good jumping points or map edges, send in a photo of your efforts or coordinates so someone else can try.
Go on… You know you want to.
Here at TOROZ we believe in helping out the community, and it’s in that vein that we bring to the attention of our senior citizens, a mobility aid with a difference:
It was created by Keith Greenstein – nice work Keith!
[via Technabob]
Kreep, from the Pandamonium Guild on the Darth Bandon server, has created a little fan vid that you may find amusing. It’s premise is a discussion amongst some blokes on toilet-related activities. The last couple of minutes are the funniest so make sure you watch it all the way through. Congrats to the guild for the effort they’ve put in, hopefully we’ll see some more collaborations in future.
You’ve been warned: if your taste in humour doesn’t include the scatological variety, then nothing to see here!
Enjoy:
And a reminder: we LOVE featuring community created content, so of you have something you’re proud of, let us know.
(This is Part 3 of an ongoing community-driven story – check out Part 1 here, check out Part 2 here)
So, you are in an escape pod re-entering the earth’s atmosphere and there are warning lights flashing inside.
Actually I got the warning lights to stop by pressing some buttons.
What are you trying to achieve from – wait, what, do you know what you pressed?
No, not really. but they were getting annoying.
I’m not going to call you an idiot, but that was the worst possible thing you could have done.
But you have no idea how annoying they got!
And now you have no idea what the problem was.
The interface kept flashing something up saying navigation error.
Well then, looks like you are going to have to try and land this yourself.
How?
Let’s start with the obvious, what controls do you have.
There are only 5 buttons. The one I pressed to launch. Then one each that says Silent, Yes, No and Pop.
Why would they label a button Pop?
Should I press it?
I have no idea.
What!? You’re meant to be a help guide.
I didn’t say I knew what I was doing. What do the other buttons do?
I pressed Launch to launch, Silent to turn the alarm off, Yes to confirm turning the alarm off, I assume “no” was my other option there. And the ground seems to be coming up rather fast.
Well then, looks like you don’t have a choice.
Ok, I pressed it and a panel popped off revealing another button and a joystick.
Press the button and grab the joystick. Seeing as you have no idea what you are doing, things can’t get much worse.
The button activated some kind of thrusters and when I used the joystick it sent me into a wild spin.
Why are you so incompetent at flying? Try to level out.
That’s harder than it seems, and it looks like I’m going to crash in the middle of a town.
Try and slow your decent.
What, you think I haven’t been trying that. You think I want to be in a wild spin falling towards my death?
Fine, be like that.
The joystick just broke off.
You are one useless pilot, you know that?
What, I’m falling towards my death and you decide to mock my piloting skills even though I’ve never been in one before.
How far away is the street?
I’m about to hit a build – ARGHH…
Hello…?
I hit my head when I collided with the building and now I’m bleeding.
How bad?
It hurts, a lot.
Is the pod still moving?
I.., I can’t tell.
Try and open the door.
I can open it, but not all the way. I think the door is jammed.
Use the lightsaber to cut your way out of the pod.
I think I’m about to throw up.
Focus on my voice, you probably have a concussion. Grab the lightsaber and point it away from yourself.
I just threw up.
Activate the lightsaber and cut a hole big enough to crawl through.
The blade looks like a shining pearl.
Cut a hole. You need to get out.
I’m doing that.
Where did you crash?
I think I crashed in a bar. But I cant be sure, there are two of everything. I may have crashed into a bar for twins.
You need to get somewhere safe. Try and get outside the bar.
My legs don’t work properly.
Fine, stumble towards the door and tell me what you see.
I’m there, it looks like eight Troopers are heading over here.
Those Troopers probably saw you crash and are coming to investigate.
Troops be on the way, and you gots some explaining to do.
Whats happening?
I’ve got ten guns pointed at my head. Who are you, and can you lower the gun?
The name’s Kendra, and you crashed in here all uninvited like. Now, we got the Empire ’bout to crash through that there door and I aint know nothin’ ’bout you.
You cant walk and you have a concussion. You should consider cooperation. It’s your best chance.
I’ve been trying to infiltrate Bioware, but nothing went according to plan. And now it turns out EA is being controlled.
We know – Reapers control EA and they control Bioware.
Now, I’m going to raise an army and attack Bioware.
I dont know you, and I dont trust you. But the way imps are headed this makes my guess the two of you aint so cozy. So, this is the plan. You come with us. We escape. And if we like you. We might just help you, for a price.
Take the deal. It’s everything you need right now.
Deal. Now, how do you plan on escaping? By now this place is surrounded.
We always have a way out, it aint no pleasure cruise.
Please tell me it doesn’t involve sewers.
Please tell me it does involves sewers.
It involves sewers. Before we go, grab a weapon from behind the bar. I dont plan on leavin’ much for the imps.
This concludes “Re-Enter Earth’s Atmosphere In An Escape Pod Via The Spirit World Help Guide”.
Shit.
I am so glad I don’t have to do this. For the next stage I suggest ”Attacking Bioware Via The Spirit World Help Guide”. However, in the meantime I would recommend… a change of clothes.
====================
Community involvement:
Option 1) Attack Bioware via the sewers
Option 2) Attack Bioware via the street
====================
Community involvement 2: Pick off-hand weapon
Option 1) Blaster Pistol
Option 2) Sawn-Off Shotgun
Option 3) Other
Option 4) None – Stick with Lightsaber
====================
Voting will close a week after release. Post your vote in comments!
For sneak peaks at the next part join SWTOR Gamers of Oceania
An original Ken Clark / TOROZ production
That’s for damn sure:
(click on the pic for the full size version)
I particularly love Agent(le) Lion!
With thanks to Alex over at SWTOR Gamers of Oceania
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